The question of whether it is okay to lie to students, in my opinion, is very difficult to answer for numerous reasons. My gut instinct tells me that the answer to this question is, with 100% certainty, ‘no’. On the other hand, I know that realistically it would be difficult to tell children the truth all the time. I do not by any stretch advocate to be dishonest with children; however, there are certain things which children need protection from at certain ages. There is an appropriate age in which children should be educated on matters. For example, if a Grade 2 student asks, “How are babies born?”, the teacher would not respond with an explanation on sexual intercourse because it is not appropriate. At times, as a teacher, one is not required to lie but it may be advisable for the students that the teacher does not go into detail or simply coats (with sugar) some pieces of information.
The answer to this question hinges on many factors. If it is your own child that asks the question, you, of course, have the option to take whichever approach you feel is acceptable; however, as a teacher, we must consider the bearing of our words and the potential reaction and consequences that a certain answer may create on children and their parents.
It is my opinion that, by exposing children to the truth, one could potentially provide them with information which is detrimental to their psyche. For instance, telling a child of 3 years old that “Santa Claus is not real” takes away a child’s natural process of development and awareness. Such information may have negative implications. I can remember being in Grade 5 when certain kids shouted out how Santa was not real. I was shattered to hear such blaspheme. I recall running to my brother for shelter and crying to him about this non-sense. Thankfully, he reassured me that Santa existed. From this, you can see that on that day, my loss of innocence had been threatened a bit sooner than it needed to be. Gratefully, my brother and the teacher had told me otherwise: Santa existed. From this personal experience, I believe that children ought to discover, all in due time, certain truths at the appropriate age. With this in mind, it is still important to expose children to realities and to prepare them for the potential dangers that exist in the world. To completely shelter a child from the truth, a parent or teacher negates an important duty as an educator: to inform and direct children on a path of objectivity.
Although I would like to sit on the fence, I fear it may start to hurt my posterior region. So, I quantify that it is not okay to lie to students when it is a way of avoiding a moment to teach children and explain that there are always two sides (or more) to a story. It is important that children learn to be objective from a young age. In my opinion, the explanation of a truth to a child is likely to be more of a developmental enhancing experience, as opposed to lying to the child. Since each case varies, we are all professionals and must choose to exercise our professional judgment in each and different circumstance.
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5 comments:
You raise an important issue. I never advocate lying to children. AS you point out, you do not have to go into details about sensitive issues but lying to a child is a dangerous thing to do when we want out students to trust us. I have thought about this issue from an odd perpsective. Often, teachers will start off a math lesson by saying something like the following. "I have a friend who is having a party. She has 24 square tables with 1 Metre sides and wants to know how many different ways she can put these 24 tables together to form a large rectangular table."
We all know that the teacher doesn't have a friend with this problem but we tell this little white lie to authenticate the problem for our students. But it is still a lie. Surely, we could authenticate the the problem without having to lie. It seems strange to even talk about "lying in order to athenticate".
The fact you are thinking these thoughts is a good sign that you take your role as a moral leader to your students seriously. I hope you always let your conscience by your guide in these matters.
What a great discussion. I agree with both of you. It is not our place to reveal certain truths to children (especially when we don't know what the familial beliefs are). However, it is also impossible to establish and maintain a child's respect and trust if we are not honest with them. The famous quote "I'm not lying; I'm just not saying the whole truth" comes to mind. I have been in positions where I have had to correct a parent's comment (that will momentarily become obvious to the child that they mislead the child) to maintain my trusting relationship with a child. I've always been very cautious and have been able to do it without destroying any trust between the parent and child.
Now, my biggest challenge is playing the role of the parent. It takes a great deal of consideration to determine what and when to tell a child something that challenges their view of a perfect, magical world. My 4 year old became very concerned about death and what would happen if I died. She was talking aobut it every a lot and didn't want me to be out of her sight. I finally asked them if anything had happened at the daycare. It was surprising the response I got...one teacher said she had heard the children talking and just ignored it or got them onto another topic. Another teacher said she hadn't noticed. I realize that death means many different things to many different people and cultures, but I still think avoidance is not the answer. As teachers, we will be taking on that moral responsibility that Paul referred to. Students, parents and colleagues are relying on our professional leadership skills to facilitate the academic and social development of every student.
Hi Pam. I think the debate can go on forever. I know we need to make decisions on our own, whether to tell students the truth or not, but i would also like some guidance. THanks for offering your piece of mind, I totally understand what you meant. Thanks for sharing =)
Hello Pam,
This was a pretty deep blog. It got me thinking of different scenarios both as a teacher and as a mother. When you stated that your innocence had been threatened a bit sooner than it needed to be it struck a chord for me. I find that every year that my children are a part of the school system they lose a tiny part of their innocence. It is actually sad to watch at times. My children are exposed to topics and issues that they are sheltered from in their home environment. I recognize that you can’t shelter your kids but there are times I want to put them in a bubble (ha, ha). Your topic can be viewed in different ways depending on the situation. From my experience truth empowers children, builds self-confidence and provides them with a sense of security. I am as truthful as I can be with my children but within limits. The children need to be emotionally and cognitively ready to except and process the truth. Having said that I agree that teachers need to sugar code information and explanation at times if they notice that the child does not have the adequate tools to filter and process the information effectively. When the going gets tough and you are not sure how to address a topic with the student, respect their families and direct them to talk to their parents. This is a very hot topic. Do you still believe in Santa Clause?
Hi Pam,
What a great question for all of us. But I do agree, sometimes it is not our place to tell children certain things (weather or not its the truth).
I think the best thing to do is act in the best interests of the children and use your words very carefully so that you can use language that doesn't necessary tell the absolute truth, but does not necessary lie either.
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